Recap - 2026-08-27
T’was the night after the hot dog eating contest,
And the group went to bed,
But a creature was lurking,
By Josiah’s poor head.
Chibro’s stockings were hung by the fire with care,
In hopes the mustard would dry from them there.
And Tag with his panther,
And Angelus in the bath,
Had just settled their brains for a long Sigil nap.
When from Josiah’s small room there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their beds to see what was the matter!
Away to their weapons they flew like a flash,
Threw open their doors, and down the hallway they dashed.
The growl of the hellhounds and their fiery glow,
Gave the lustre of Hades to the floorboards below.
And what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a smiling devil, and six hellhounds so near.
With a quill pen so shiny, and inkwell so thick,
Chibro knew in a moment, it must be a trick.
More rapid than eagles, Chibro’s bullets did fly,
And he blasted, and shouted, and blew them sky high.
“Now Tag! Now Cath! Now Angelus, let’s fix ’em!
Let’s stab ’em and blast ’em and smoke them and get ’em!”
“To the room of the elf! To the cry of ‘help’ all!
Now blast away! Smash away! Crash away all!”
As dry leaves before a hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the ceiling the Retriever did leap,
With a terrifying glare, and Josiah in a heap.
And there, in a twinkling, in a soap covered puddle,
Their aasimar friend stood all in a muddle.
As the retriever charged and was turning around,
Angelus, unwavering, did stand his ground.
He was dressed in a robe, from his head to his duds,
And his clothes were all covered in bubbles and suds.
A gigantic sword he had slung on his back,
And he looked like a cherub just waking from a nap.
A hellhound - it bellowed. It’s face was so scary.
It slipped on the soap suds, and knocked itself airy.
The retriever was running but drew up like a bow,
As Chibro did catch it with his rune’s mighty glow.
The body of Josiah it held tight in its claws,
But when frozen, it lost him and out he did leap.
He slid down the hall paralyzed on his belly,
To a door that shook, when he hit it, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was battered and smashed, a right broken young elf,
And Hankin gasped when he saw him, in spite of himself.
His body so bruised and the twist of his head,
Let Hankin know he was nearing ‘most dead.
Hankin spoke but a word, and went straight to his work,
And healed all his wounds, and then turned with a jerk,
For charging down the hallway, its eyes all aglow,
Was the retriever’s metal body, and the devil, you know.
Hankin sprang to the beastie, and banished it with a whistle,
And the fight was soon over with these creatures abyssal.
But they heard the innkeeper exclaim, as he ran up the flight,
“Keep the violence outdoors! Please come have a bite!”
Details
- A retriever sent by the Smith of the Deep led a harvester devil and six hellhounds into Chirpers and attempted to abduct Josiah.
- The gang successfully fought it off with the help of a new equine friend, a large studious minotaur, and some sort of insectile monk.
- Tag killed the monk due to it healing the enemy (perhaps accidentally, but he didn’t investigate much).
- Josiah managed to escape due to Chibro’s quick thinking with the runes, and the rest of the gang (including a polar bear Tag summoned and a bunch of ropes Josiah animated) managed to take down the devil and the hellhounds while Hankin banished the Retriever to a demiplane temporarily.
- The devil intoned that he would return for the bag that Josiah still holds.
“You know, we’re just going to keep coming. I’ll see you next time.”
- The bartender, Thom TimTomTamTornTinTanSon, told the group to keep the violence in the streets, but when informed they were the victims, instead invited them down for a bite to eat, where he told them of three things:
- The Smith of the Deep is rumored to have left the bottom of the Abyss.
- There’s odd stuff happening ‘round the Blood War.
- They were out of cheese.
Wise Words from Mantis Monk
Key bits of wisdom from our unnamed mantis monk:
“Ah, but what is a friend? And can you really steal that which you love? I think all the dogs have…”
“Ah, yes, we pass all like the wind from one to the next.”
“Is violence the best path, or the only path, or shall we look inside ourselves and find another means to resolve the conflict?”
“Do we not all sometimes get pulled from one place to another, summoned from hither and yon to serve some grander purpose, only to end up perhaps finding that purpose was within us all along?”
“I see you are in need. I will assist you, but only if the fates of the universe will allow.”
“Ah, fate has decided to give boon to this creature. Are we not as if just staring into the cosmic dice that the gods do roll?”
“Sometimes, the universe decides that your time has come, and you will drift off. But perhaps you will not drift off alone, as others will go with you. That is as balance.”
“It’s more like you will float away into the ether.”
“My time comes now. Your time comes soon. The universe balances all.”
Wise Words from Will Burr
Will Bur the Equinal Guardian:
“Oh, I think that’s some evil figure—evil! Prepare to face my fists!”
“Oh, I see, they’ve sent another Guardian. Good to know there’s elephants up there with us, too.”
“The forces of evil will never prevail!”
“I’m not saying I’m smart, but I do have a saddlebag full of brains, and I think we’ve won this battle.”
“Well. Even a horse knows when it’s time to run, and I think it’s time for me to go.”
“If you get to Elysium, you can just look around and ask for Will Burr.”
Backstory of What Josiah Did to Get Banished from Chirper’s For a Few Nights
“Well, what you did was, you were offering to fix up—so, Chirper’s has these globes that hover in midair, and they’re part of the show. So when you’re sitting down, you’re eating, you can look up and see the creatures in these globes, and there’s all sorts of different kinds of creatures, and one of the globes had just a bajillion of these sunflies in it. And you saw that they were, you know, the globe was floating a little funny, and so you were like, ‘Let me get up there, I’ll just take a look at it.’ No worries. And you accidentally released them all.”
“They’re little celestials. But what really made it so annoying—the reason they ended up kicking you out—is because they all latched onto you as their, uh, rescuer or freer, and so they would just follow you around, and they canonically like to chat a little bit, but they don’t have many… they can’t actually speak, like, they don’t have a language. So they were just following around making like this heavenly harp plucking noise—imagine if you had somebody just plucking every string on a harp at once.”
To Josiah re: the bag:
“Well, you know, I mean, at this point it doesn’t really matter if you put that bag down, take it away, give it somewhere… I mean, honestly, marked until you’re dead, that bag’s returning. So…”
“I’m glad for you that you have experienced the things that you have, and I hope that whatever plane you end up on after you perish, you find happiness as a petitioner.”
“Well, listen. I’m not supposed to, you know, I’m not supposed to gossip around here. But we have all sorts coming through, and one of the weirdest things that I heard…then again, don’t tell anyone that I told you this, because I’m not supposed to be listening to what people are saying right here…but I heard that the Smith of the Deep ain’t in the Deep anymore, if you know what I mean.”
“I don’t know what’s going on down there, but something’s shifted. Things are… I know, we’re hearing things all up and down, but who knows? Who knows what’s going on anyway. Have a slice of pie?”
Song of the Session
The Devil Went Down to Georgia by Charlie Daniels Band
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